Sunday, July 13, 2008

So we have decided

Well we have decided to go to the new house... and I think I am happy with that decision!! I am also scared about the move, granted it is only a few mins down the road I am hesitant about leaving our house. this is Nik and my house... the first house that we have owned together.... so its alittle emotional for me. But I know that moving to this new house is for the best for EVERYONE!!! Today has been alittle bit of a train wreck. However we did get alot accomplushed the house still needs alot of work.
on a side note.... I really really miss Nik when its the weekend... you know how it is when its during the week and he is at work all the time and then when the weekend comes he is home with you all the time. yeah well thats when we always do our family things together. and thats when it seems to be the hardest for me.... and it continues to get worse as the times passes.

Wyatt is taking 3 to 4 steps now... he will be walking in no time!!! its hard to believe that is already 9 months old and that he is already trying to walk. its just like yesterday I had him and Nik was here and we were all together and happy. now a-days Wyatt knows his daddy by pictures and his new daddy doll and by hearing his voice on the phone.
I often find myslef sitting in our rocker crying and holding wyatt tight cause hes the only thing that makes me feel close to Nik.

When I call the houseing people tomorrow we will see how soon I get into our new house.... but until then thats all I got to talk about tonight

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

So I dont really know what Im doing

but I am going to give it a try. I am getting ready to go to bed but I cant help but wonder why Nik didnt call me today. He said when I talked to him yesterday that he would call me today and he didnt. OH well I guess he probably got busy. Its so hard to just sit around and wait on a phone call when all you want to do is fall into his arms crying and all broken down and just have him wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything will be ok!!! somtimes thats all I need to hear. but now I cant even get that. Having Wyatt has helped this year, I thought for sure that this time was going to be so much harder than the last time because of the baby but its not as bad. I mean there is no question that I miss him like crazy but with the baby i had to get up and keep in a routine anf that seemed to help me out alot. with everything thats been going on in my life I dont know if I have really processed that fact that he is gone for 15 months but I know he is.

About the housing thing... I think I am going to take it... ok well I REALLY want to take it!!! but I dont know if I can. all this crap happed the day after Nik left and I cant talk to him about it and thats whats so frusterating about all this. I mean I want the house because I cant see 7 people, 6 cats, and 2 dogs (that dont like cats) living in my 1300 sq. ft. house. so in my head WHY NOT TAKE THE HOUSE??!!?!?!? right?? well I am just overwhelmed with the "what ifs" and it seems like everytime I try to talk to my mom about it and try to find a way to stay here with everyone she seems to blow me off like its not important.... and its very very important to me. I just dont know what to do. I am trying to make a pros and cons list out of it to see where that gets me but I cant seem to think of anything when I am trying to think of if that makes any sence at all. ok well its getting late and of course I have to get up early so I am going to call it a night... I think I will try this thing tomorrow.... it seems to help even though I am not getting any advice back but then again I am not getting attitude or rolled ok
peace out home dawg!!!!
~~momma A~~


OK so this is the first time that I am EVER doing this so if anyone has any advice please let me know...